Time to Fly

There comes a time in every birds life that the parents tell it to fuck off and push it out of the nest. As the little bird plummets to its ultimate demise, it has to act quick. Either spread its wings and learn how to fly, or hope the ground is feeling in a good mood today and turns into rubber....or pudding. I like pudding.

Most of the birds spread their little wings, flap a few times, and take off soaring into the open sky! The world before them!! Their destiny begins!

Or they just fly in circles a few times, try to make a living on their own, give up and return to the nest and bitch at the parents for kicking them out.

"What a minute! I know this scenario....he's not talking about birds!" You might say to yourself. Or you might just say you want some pudding. I know...it's ok....I'll wait.



Ok!! I admit!! There is an alternate scenario. You saw right through my analogy! If you didn't I'm not explaining it now. See post about backing up and running over your ass.

I've noticed a trend in modern day society. The so-called XYZ generation. (I made it up...dont' dwell). These baby birds are flying back home to suck their parents dry. It's sad really. As if having them regurgitate their food into their empty little stomachs wasn't enough! I blame the government. Why? Because they're an easy target. Although I do blame the government for a lot. This capitalistic country I live in has molded this QRS generation to just take blows as they come and retreat back to the Golden Age ones.

Am I asking for a civil uprising? No. I don't want the government reading this and banging down my doors or claiming I'm some sort of extreme party pooper. But baby birds need to be kicked from the nest. They need to spread their wings or they need to become a sidewalk decoration.

Why do I bring this up? Cheese.

What is a Kender and where's the Dragon?

For those of you who might have read my blog years ago when I was actively updating it during the Great Blog Craze of '06, I was referring to everything in terms of dragons. I used caves, lairs, horde, etc to explain various things. So why, after all these years, have I returned and not use the dragon motif?

Because.

That's it's really. That's the whole reason why. I sat down at the registration page where it asked me what I would like my web address to be. Well, it wouldn't let me use the old one I had years before. For some reason they locked it down and it can't be registered again. Perhaps my boring tales of love, work, and Colorado made them so enraged that they wanted to ensure no one ever again had to be subject to it! Of course they allow all the emo crying pages go free...it's an unfair world I tell ya!

So I'm sure you may be asking yourself "So what the fuck is a kender? Some sort of venereal disease?"

Can't come into work today boss, I got a case of the kender! Burns like hell.

As tempting as it may sound to name my new blog off of some sort of medical discovery, a kender is actually a type of person. A race so to say.

Travel with me to the nerd world for a moment. Seeing as I spent most of my high school years in the nerd world, I'll be your tour guide. To the left is the Hall of Pocket Protectors and Retainers! Please hold your ooo's and aahh's until after the tour. To the right, the Chess Club! Where exclaiming "CHECK MATE!" is the closest thing to an orgasm that nerds may get.

But I digress...I've always wanted to say that...

A kender comes from the world of Dungeons and Dragons. It's a halfling like creature that loves shiney objects and is probably the poster child for ADHD. They're hyper, steal everything that isn't bolted down, and talk a lot. They love to tell stories and usually end up stretching the truth and make up exciting parts just because in their mind it works.

So am I a kender? Yes. One of my alter personalities. The reason I named the blog after these adorable annoying creatures is because this blog is dedicated to the randomness of my mind. Don't expect any sort of flow. Don't expect logical reasonings for my analogies. I'll compare an ipod to a hamster just because I can damn it (by the way, earphones don't plug into a hamster very well...they tend to get upset)!

So sit back, don't relax, and try to keep up. I don't slow down or pull over for anybody. If you fall off this perverbial bus, I'll back up only to run your dumb ass over!